What to do when achievements fail to satisfy

Career success? Academic triumphs? Still suffering from a lack of self-esteem? Perhaps hypnotherapy could help you.

Trying to fix your self-esteem by achieving things is like having a bucket with a hole in the bottom. You pour achievements into the bucket and every one of them feels good, for a while. Over time, however, the bucket begins to drain until you’re eventually left at square one.

Self-esteem is easy to cripple. Perhaps an abusive parent or a bully robbed you of it and so you strived to succeed in order to prove yourself. These successes didn’t matter to the parent or the bully and they didn’t satisfy you either.

Every week I work with people for whom self esteem and self-acceptance is an unfamiliar concept. I use hypnotherapy in Reading, Oxford, London (Holborn), Wallingford and Thame in order to help people to build that sense of self-confidence. If they did it then you can do it too!

I was once where you are now!

achievements self esteem

I had achieved practically everything I’d set out to achieve. I’d got a good degree from the country’s best university, I’d established himself in my career and was making good progress,

I’d married a lovely wife, had two healthy children and had established a nice home. None of it stuck in terms of a sense of achievement.

I’d learned to restore classic cars, had learned chess and beat practically everybody I played, I’d mastered a foreign language, become an excellent cook and had had many of my children’s poems published in high-end anthologies. 

None of it caused me to feel as if I’d achieved anything very much.

I turned to more activities, mastering each in turn. As soon as I’d mastered them I grew bored. It turned out that I wasn’t truly interested in them for their own sakes, I was only interested in proving that I could do them. 

It was as if I were addicted to achievement and to the buzz which success brought.

It was always a case of moving onto the next goal, the next challenge. If only I could achieve the next big thing then I’d be happy. I really would… 

Does any of this sound familiar? Would you like to find a way of dealing with it?

I use hypnotherapy for these issues in Reading, Oxford, London, Wallingford and Thame on a regular basis. I help my clients to feel good about their achievements and to hold onto them. If you’d like to learn how I do this then read on.

Why couldn’t I find happiness in any of my achievements?

hypnotherapy and asperger's syndromeSome people receive their fair share of praise as children. They grow up feeling secure in their ability to succeed and they grow up secure in their ability to take failure in their stride.

They are aware that they are good people, whether they succeed in any given activity or whether they fail. Being a good person, a person worthy of love, doesn’t depend upon success.

Being loveable and a worthwhile person is not threatened by the occasional failure either.

Others, however, receive little praise or live on a diet of criticism from a parent or other care-giver. Some people, in these circumstances learn to push themselves to succeed. Perhaps they do it in an attempt to win praise from their parent.

Perhaps they do it to prove something to themselves.

In either case, they often find that they fail to see the proof for themselves or they simply attempt to prove their own worth in order to win that praise from the parent. Success doesn’t bring such love or self-worth developing. So they turn to the next goal, hoping that this time the feeling of self-worth will stick and prove permanent.

How could hypnotherapy help you to develop a sense of self-esteem?


The problem is that our self-esteems are like buckets. When they’re OK they hold the water of achievements and grow fuller and fuller. 

When the bucket has a hole you can pour as many achievements into that bucket as you like. You’ll feel good for a while but that feeling just keeps pouring out through the hole.

The problem isn’t a lack of a sense of achievement. The problem is the lack of self-esteem and self-compassion. Accomplishments will never make you happy whilst you’re fundamentally unhappy with yourself.

You are that bucket with the hole. Until you stop the hole nothing you pour into the bucket will be enough. There will always be that sense of emptiness. 

Hypnotherapy could help to undo the damage which has been done to your sense of self. Hypnotherapy could help to repair that bucket so that achievements stick.

I went for my own therapy over ten years ago now. I learned to build a sense of self-esteem. I learned to accept that I was a good person. I learned to let my past fall away and to build on the present, to enjoy the moment and even to find a way of liking myself.

I still enjoy mastering new challenged. I’m about to begin learning Italian. I simply no longer depend upon such achievements. I pursue them for their own sake.

If I can do it, you can too!

When you’re ready to deal with your past and to leave it behind you, I’ll be here to help you. If you live in or around Reading,Oxford, London, Wallingford and Thame and would like to find out how hypnotherapy could help you then get in touch, You could call me on 07786 123736 / 01865 600970 / 01183280284 / 020 7193 9331, email me at paul@resolvedhypnotherapy.co.uk or contact me via the contact form below. However you chose to contact me, I look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes

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