Is anger holding you back? If you live in London, Reading or Oxford then hypnotherapy could help you to leave it behind you!
Are you suffering from a constantly pent up form of anger which sometimes bursts into episodes of rage? Perhaps your anger is more existential, a kind of ‘me against the world’ hostility towards everyone and everything. Maybe someone has done you wrong and you quietly seethe with hatred, replaying old events and wishing you could somehow get even.
Perhaps your anger is leading your relationships into difficulty. Perhaps you’re having problems at work. If you’re here, reading this, then it’s giving you problems in one area of life or another. No matter what your problem might be, no matter how bad it might seem, there is an answer and a way out.
Whatever your issue with anger might be, hypnotherapy could help you. I see clients in Reading, London, Oxford, Wallingford and Thame for this issue every week. Hypnotherapy is wonderful for helping people to cope with the feeling, as it happens, and also with the long term causes.
You needn’t just learn to manage it better. You could let it go altogether! Hypnotherapy could help you, just as it has helped others. I’ve worked with ten year old boys with asperger’s. I’ve worked with middle aged men – and women – ashamed of their rage-filled outbursts. I’ve worked with people in their sixties and seventies.
Anger is no respecter of age, class or gender. It’s a universal emotion and the only question is who is in charge – it or you?
Who does anger really hurt?
“Consider,” says Marcus Aurelius, “how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.”
It’s all too easy to bear a grudge, to rage and stew over the slings and arrows of outrageous injustice. How many of us, however, ever consider who actually suffers as a result?
Does the driver who cuts us up spend the rest of his journey in sorrow and shame after we’ve beeped and sworn at him? Does the ex-partner spend the rest of his or her life distressed at the thought of how he or she treated us?
Your anger is causing you to suffer. In time you became ashamed of it and you’ve probably turned that anger against your own self. The person you’re most angry with, by now, is YOU!
The typical therapist’s Buddha story
One day Buddha was teaching his disciples when a young boy came to ask if he could join the group and learn. Buddha agreed and the boy became a regular part of the group.
Some weeks later a man came storming up to Buddha, his face twisted with rage. He was the boy’s father and he wasn’t at all happy to find his son being taught these new and strange ideas.
He shouted, ranted and raved. The Buddha stood and listened. In time the boy’s father noticed that Buddha simply refused to respond in kind.
‘”I have shouted and insulted you for ten minutes. Why aren’t you angry with me?”
“well”, replied Buddha. “You have offered me anger. It’s a burning coal in your hand. Why should I take it from you? Who is it hurting?”
The man realised that Buddha was right, calmed himself and joined the group in order to learn how to be as calm as Buddha. His anger had hurt him for many years and it was time to let it go.
What a waste of energy!
And yet we often waste our time and energy in nursing our anger, storing our rage and bottling up negative emotions. Why? Who suffers when we do this? We do, of course. The target of our anger, more often than not, gets on with life in complete ignorance of our anger and hurt.
It’s more than a pity, therefore, that so many good and decent people need hypnotherapy for anger-management issues.
I’ve used hypnotherapy in Reading, Thame, Oxford, London and Wallingford. I’ve used it to help them to let go of anger, to be calmer and to finally be free to enjoy their lives to the fullest.
If you’d like to let go of this fruitless cycle of anger then it’s time to get some help. After all, you’ve come here because you’ve realised that you can’t do it by yourself. You’ve tried and failed and now you’re coming to the point where picking up a ‘phone or sending an email is the next step. Pick it up. Send it! It will be easier than you imagined.
What can you change?
We all know that we can’t change our pasts. What is less commonly realised is that we can do very little to change others. Even the best hypnotherapist can’t use hypnotherapy to force a person to change. What we can do, however, is change our attitudes towards ourselves, our situations, our emotions.
We can change our attitude towards others, their weaknesses and towards the wrongs they’ve done us. We choose how to react to every situation – past, present and future. It is in our power to shape our emotions. We hold the key to our own emotional health.
There was once a boy…
There was once a boy who was told he was no good. He was taught to doubt himself at every turn. Sometimes he was taught this by a scowl. Sometimes his achievements were belittled. Sometimes he was publicly humiliated.
Over the years he learned this lesson for himself. The person who’d taught him to doubt himself no longer had to bother. He had passed the examination and could fulfill the role all by himself.
Does he sound familiar?
He pushed himself to achieve greater and greater things. None of them satisfied him. They weren’t enough. He was quite popular at school and wasn’t short of girlfriends as a teenager and a twenty-something. None of this changed his fundamental view of himself.
He’d taught himself, however, not to feel stuff. He managed to filter out his worst emotions. He’d even, to a certain extent, built a degree of self-esteem. He was now, however, angry at the way he’d been treated as a child and teenager. He was an angry young man.
Anger was his release and shield Is it yours too?
He was angry in that existential philosophical sense but also in a day to day manner. He would rage at the actions of inanimate objects. He would silently rage at those who got in his way. He would seethe at those who opposed him. They would suffer the anger which he could neither direct at its source or else resolve and pacify.
He was a decent, loving, kind person but he didn’t see this fully. Anger got in the way. Anger was his release. It was his shield.
In another part of the world there was a woman…
She was a woman who had found herself locked into an abusive relationship. Her husband had beaten, ridiculed and humiliated her for such a long time, so very systematically, that she had come to the point of believing his insults and lies.
So what made her leave?
It was only when he began to turn his attentions to the children that she finally realised the truth.
None of them deserved such treatment. She gathered her wits and her courage and planned an escape. One day he came home to find them all gone and divorce papers on the kitchen table.
Perhaps, in an alternative scenario, she called the police and had them escort her and her children to a place of safety. Either way, she was free.
It wasn’t quite the freedom she’d hoped for
In time she rebuilt her life and was on her way to rebuilding a sense of self-esteem. Anger, however, seethed from every pore. She kept it in place, for the sake of the children, for the sake of keeping her job, but it was always a struggle.
She had a new boyfriend now. Not only did she find it difficult to trust but he was also beginning to notice her tendency to outbursts of rage. She began to fear that she’ wreck her own future. She began to fear that she’d pass this rage onto her children.
If so, hypnotherapy could help you with anger management and resolution. Anger isn’t a real emotion. It’s what we call a ‘secondary emotion’. When anger becomes a chronic state it’s a ‘smokescreen’ emotion, disguising something else which we’d rather not face.
It’s the emotion which comes when we’ve become stuck in our recovery from a difficult past. It’s what’s felt when we have either refused to be beaten down by people and/or circumstances or when we’ve partly recovered from that experience.
It’s the sign of a sense of self which hasn’t succumbed to self-harm or depression but which has never fully recovered a healthier balance. Behind that anger is a feeling of hurt. Heal the hurt and soothe the anger. You can do it and I could help you.
Anger is a good thing, in its place. Hypnotherapy can help you keep it there
Sometimes, however, anger is a healthy development. I’ve seen plenty of clients who have succumbed to anxiety and depression, feeling wholly insecure and inadequate as a result of the way in which certain people had treated them. Often, as we worked together, these feelings gave way to anger.
The ideal end result is to leave anger behind. The ideal result is for events and people from your past (or from the present) to be unable to dictate your emotions at all.
I help my clients to move towards this state. Sometimes it comes as a result of forgiveness – forgiveness for oneself and/or for the person responsible.
Sometimes it comes simply as the result of a decision to move on, free of any thought or feeling that the experiences they endured were any reflection of their own selves.
If you’re suffering guilt as a consequence of your anger and its consequences then perhaps hypnotherapy could help you to be free. If you live in or around Oxford, Reading, London, Wallingford or Thame then hypnotherapy could help you to resolve your anger and whatever lies behind it.
You’ve done well to read this far. Not long left now
However people move towards that ideal end result, anger may have to be faced up to, owned and worked through. Hypnotherapy could help you to achieve this goal.
I help my clients to deal with any long-term issues which gave rise to anger whilst teaching them to manage emotions in the ‘here and now’ using a mixture of self-hypnosis, mindfulness and other techniques. You could read more of how I incorporate mindfulness into my work here
I could help you to deal with anger, to see the anger response for what it is: a shadow and a ghost of another time. You needn’t allow it to continue forever. You can let it go. I could help you.
So what’s next?
Please feel free to call me for more information. You could call me on 07786 123736 / 0183 280284 / 01865 600970, or else email me at email@example.com. It might be easier simply to complete the contact form below. I’d be glad to listen and explain how I could help.