Emotional abuse is the poor relation. Hypnotherapy could help to put it right
Hypnotherapy could help you to put the past and your own self into a different perspective. Don’t feel as though you simply need to put up with the consequences of emotional abuse.
A great deal of literature has been written on sexual and physical abuse. Teachers, doctors and social workers are all trained in how to spot signs of these forms of abuse and to report them to the proper authorities. Professionals are now increasingly well-trained in such things.
Emotional abuse and neglect, however, is less often noticed. It is, in fact, hardly even appreciated as being abuse. People are more likely to shrug it off with a ‘that’s how things were back then’ or something similar. My clients will do the same thing. They simply tell themselves that they ‘should be over it by now’ in a way which would seem positively callous if they were talking of somebody else who had been abused sexually.
Let’s begin with a mantra: ‘abuse is abuse is abuse.’ Say it again! If you were a victim of emotional abuse then you went through something which no child should have had to endure. It will have done significant damage to your sense of self, your self-esteem and your ability to process feelings in a healthy manner.
If you’re unsure of what the term means then please click on this page here.
I use hypnotherapy in Reading, Oxford, London, Wallingford and Thame every week, helping people to overcome the consequences of emotional abuse. You could learn to let go of the past too.
Children begin as completely emotionally unrestrained
I was in a supermarket earlier today and two children in the next aisle were letting the whole world know, with every ounce of strength in their lungs, how unhappy they were. They were kicking and screaming and felt no shame whatsoever in displaying their feelings.
On Christmas day morning it’ll be a different story. They’ll be leaping about, squealing and clapping their hands in excitement at the prospect of presents.
Young children, when permitted, are emotionally unrestrained. They swing from peak to trough in an instant.
Family and society, however, tend to teach children to abandon such a naked degree of emotional honesty. It’s not seen as appropriate to display our feelings all of the time and so children are taught to keep them under wraps.
This isn’t a bad thing. An important aspect of growing up is learning how to regulate emotions, learning how and when it is appropriate to exhibit them and learning how to remedy the negative emotions of anger, upset and envy etc. We learn this from parents, watching them carefully and being gently corrected when they judge that we ought, by now, to know a little better
What happens if this process is taken to extremes by emotionally violent or un-nurturing parents?
But what if parents refuse to allow children to give vent to their emotions? What if every tear is greeted with indifference or protests of “don’t be silly,” “I haven’t time for this” or “you’re a big girl now, stop crying”?
What if a child’s excitement at a new toy or cartoon is discouraged through admonitions to “calm down” or “stop making so much noise”?
All parents find themselves doing this from time to time, life being so very busy and pressured, but what if it is a constant approach to child-rearing?
What if parents spend a decade denying their child’s right to have emotions? What if that child is never helped to learn how to process his or her feelings and simply learns to block them, to box them away because there’s no point in feeling them if nobody listens?
Sue Gerhardt in her ‘Why Love Matters’ explains the ‘what ifs’ of such scenarios. The development of the infant brain is interrupted. Regions of the brain remain under-developed and the child’s emotional development is stunted and restrained.
Emotional abuse is so powerful because it teaches the child to doubt that their emotions are real or worthy of consideration. They may as well be ignored. I may as well ignore them because nobody else seems to care.
Children learn to hide emotions away.
Children who find their emotions dismissed in such a manner soon learn to hide them away, to suppress and disown them. The penalty for such emotional neglect can be one of becoming estranged from all emotion. The child never merely sweeps them under the carpet.
People are, of course, emotional beings and those who lose touch with this aspect of what it is to be human will often encounter all kinds of problems with emotional health, relationships, anxiety and anger.
They will often experience anxiety and anger in their full “glory” but happiness will appear muted and stunted. These habits and effects don’t just end with childhood, of course, they last until anxiety, depression and anger eventually force their way to the surface.
It doesn’t have to be this way, however. The brain is infinitely malleable and can learn to make good the damage done in early childhood. New ways of dealing with emotions can be learned. The past can be allowed to fade away, into the past, and people can learn to open up to joy, to hurt, to love in new and exciting ways.
How can hypnotherapy help?
It can be relatively long and difficult work but it is entirely possible to bring back into consciousness, and thus under control, those emotions which have been hidden away for so long that they’re all but forgotten.
It is possible to undo the damage to self-esteem done by poor parenting. It’s entirely feasible and if you live in or near Reading, Thame, Oxford or Wallingford then please consider giving me a call.
If you suffered emotional abuse as a child and are still suffering from anxiety, anger, depression and poor self-esteem then hypnotherapy could help you. If you’re fed up of wrecking relationships or are tired of using alcohol and/or drugs to dull the pain then hypnotherapy could help to provide a better solution. You can recover I’d be glad to help you.
Stop telling yourself that ‘other people had it worse’ or that you ‘should be over it by now’. It hasn’t helped you, has it? Bullying yourself and belittling your experiences only makes things worse. I’ll teach you how to use self-compassion and kindness to achieve those goals which cruelty and self-criticisms haven’t managed to bring into being. Get in touch. Let’s deal with it once and for all.
Get in touch and we’ll discuss how hypnotherapy could help you
If you think this describes you then please do consider getting in touch. You can learn to get back in touch with your emotions. It will improve every aspect of your life.
Call me on 07786 123736 / 01865 600970/ 01183 280284 or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org. I look forward to working with you.