Hypnotherapy could help you to beat Retroactive Jealousy OCD (aka: ‘Rebecca Syndrome’)
Jealousy is a normal part of the human experience. When it becomes Retroactive Jealousy OCD then you’ll need some help. Hypnotherapy could help to set you free!
Before I begin with this page I need to make a differentiation between two types of jealousy. There is jealousy within a healthy, faithful and otherwise happy relationship (that which I discuss below) and that form of jealousy which arises because a partner is behaving badly. The latter source of jealousy falls outside of the remit of this page.
Jealousy is never an attractive quality in an otherwise happy relationship and yet we have almost all felt it at times. It’s just another part of being human. For example, it takes a very secure person to not feel a twinge of jealousy when somebody is behaving very flirtatiously towards your partner and when your partner (even while behaving very properly) seems to be OK with it. We try to keep our manifestations of such jealousy to a minimum because trust is key to a healthy partnership and your partner has given you no sign of wanting to be with anybody else but you, right!?
All jealousy is caused by an internal deficit of confidence. We all experience a little insecurity about ourselves at times and it’s at these moments that jealousy can find a way in. Are we good enough for our partner? Will they, perhaps, find somebody better? Is he or she better looking, richer, funnier or more interesting than we are? Such is the fruit of the mind that slips into insecurity and then into jealousy.
Fortunately, however, these moments are rare for most of us and as we age they tend to become rarer still. A loving and trusting relationship breeds a sense of security in its bonds and helps to bolster a sense of worth in our own selves.
You’re here, however, because that level of normal and occasional jealousy felt by most people, sometimes, has grown to be out of control. I’m sorry you have to be here, reading this. However, please be reassured that there are ways of extracting yourself from this seemingly impossible situation. I’m here to help. Call me on 07786123736 or email me using paul@resolvedhypnotherapy.co.uk as the address.
What happens when this normal quality of jealousy becomes Retroactive OCD?
OCD in all its many forms used to be called an “anxiety disorder”. It only affects people who already have a tendency to being anxious along with a habit of over-thinking things. At some point a thought which would normally simply float through the mind becomes sticky. It becomes fixed and the person having the thought chooses to spend some time thinking upon it. Actively thinking about this topic produces a stress response and it’s this which causes the thought to become a repetitive pattern.
This can quickly become a vicious circle. The more we think about a thought the more stressed we become. The more stressed we become about this particular topic the more we are telling our brains that this topic is important. The brain responds by constantly reminding us of this very important thing. We become stressed by the thoughts. We become stressed by the fact that we’re thinking about the thoughts. We become stressed by the stress. We feel terrible about ourselves for having these thoughts. Anxiety deepens and can become entwined with a growing sense of worthlessness and depression. It deepens and deepens and there’s no way out, or so it seems.
This pattern of behaviour is universal to all forms of obsession based OCD. I work with OCD every day and it’s a terrible thing to witness in my clients. If you’re here, suffering with the same thing. It’s truly terrible and I’m here to help you to find a way out.
What does Retroactive Jealousy look like?
Thoughts become centred around the partner’s previous relationships, involving endlessly negative comparisons between the self and those other people from the past. The psychological torment is agonising and breeds fears that the partner would really prefer to still be with those other people.
This can lead to a constant and endlessly repetitive search for reassurance from the partner. At first, the partner may be obliging and will give the reassurance. However, reassurance is never truly satisfying and the repetitive questioning of the partner can lead him or her to become frustrated and withdrawn. This, in turn, feeds into the “I’m not good enough, they’d prefer someone else” narrative and things continue to worsen.
The person with the retroactive jealousy might also turn to compulsive searches online, looking for the previous partners concerned. The hope may be to find some deficit in these ex-partners through which to feel better about his or herself. It never really works out like that, however, and things continue to worsen. Of course, if the partner discovers that her past life is being trawled though in such a manner then the relationship suffers and the insecurity grows stronger still.
It begins to become all-consuming. The ability to focus on work will often suffer. Pass-times and hobbies lose their allure. Nothing feels pleasurable any longer, for the retroactive jealousy never truly gives you a moment of respite. Depression sets in and self-care suffers, for nothing else really matters anymore.
What can be done to help?
Treatment for Retroactive Jealousy can be divided into three parts, roughly speaking. First of all clients with obsessive forms of OCD tend to arrive for treatment in a state of high anxiety and often with depression too. This needs to be stabilised before true long-term progress can be made. Mindful and hypnotherapeutic forms of therapy can make significant and quite rapid strides here.
Then we need to really drill down on the symptoms of the Retroactive Jealousy OCD. These need to be driven to complete extinction, for like many weeds, the smallest piece of root remaining can give rise to a whole new reflowering of the plant.
All the while we’d also need to work on the underlying causes of the problem. People with a healthy sense of self son’t develop Retroactive Jealousy OCD. People who know how to regulate their emotions in a healthy manner don’t develop this problem either. People living truly fulfilling and healthy lifestyles are far more immune to such things also. Hypnotherapy, mindfulness and psychotherapy (often combined with a dash of ERP) has proven to be an effective therapy for OCD in all its forms. You could be the next to see how it could be of use.
Hypnotherapy and mindfulness, when combined with a psychotherapeutic setting, can work well in combatting obsessive forms of OCD (and with the compulsions too). If you’re ready to act then call me on 07786123736 for a conversation or email me at paul@resolvedhypnotherapy.co.uk/ I’m here, ready to talk and ready to help.