Stop being your own abuser! Hypnotherapy could help you to be kinder to yourself and leave emotional abuse behind!
I’m sorry if you’re here looking for a way to escape the consequences of emotional abuse. Compared to physical and sexual abuse it receives an unfairly small amount of attention and yet the consequences can be terribly damaging. I work with the consequences of emotional abuse every week and understand precisely how awful it can be .
People who suffered emotional abuse as children often had to learn how to act like a grown up. They were often told to “stop behaving like a kid” and learned that locking away their feelings was an excellent way of avoiding trouble or pain. I see new clients, every week, in Reading, Wallingford, Thame and Wallingford who tell me the same story.
It’s an effective way of surviving such a childhood but it doesn’t equip us very well for adult life and I expect that this is the reason why you’re here right now, reading this page.
Childhood is the time during which we learn to cope with our feelings. We learn to accept praise, to adjust to criticism, to be proud of our strengths and to accept our limitations. It’s also the time in which we learn to relate to others.
Relating to others is a two way process. We learn how our actions and words affect others and we learn how the actions and words of others affect us in turn. We fine tune our responses to others so that we can become more effective social beings.
Your past has taught you lots of strengths and virtues. Appreciate them!
People who suffer emotional abuse as children are often experts at gauging how others feel. We may become extremely sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. We don’t, however, learn to be so sensitive to ourselves and to our own emotions.
We ignore our feelings and criticise ourselves for having them. This leaves us open to abusive relationships. It can also mean that we become less open to praise, intimacy and love. Our relationships with others, therefore, can become stunted in that we give but can’t receive. We love but find it hard to accept love. We love and are more willing to tolerate and thus accept abuse. It can result in a great deal of trouble.
Others find it safer to remain closed off to love altogether. They have learned not to trust. They have learned not to care. They don’t deserve it after all. Their abusive parent has trained them to dislike themselves. It’s best to remain hidden, to deny feelings and to keep that poor neglected child tucked away. To need love is to be weak. To feel is poison.
Such people may protect themselves from being hurt by others and yet they deny themselves the joys of fully connecting with others. It’s like paddling in the sea without ever feeling how lovely it can be to throw yourself in and to experience it with your whole being.
Becoming avoidant of closeness isn’t a conscious decision and whilst it’s a partial solution the cost is too great. You drive people away with your defences and prevent yourself from enjoying relationships fully.
It doesn’t work. That abused child never goes away and tries to make him or herself heard.
It’s as if the abused child is still there, as a part of us, and their feelings just won’t go away. Life becomes a battle to keep the child down, to squash, deny and reject him or her. The neediness of the inner child is resented and despised.
The consequences of all this effort are destructive. We can turn to alcohol, drugs, blind rages or depression. Our anger and stress can find its way out through digestive problems (IBS, for example), skin complaints or other forms of physical ill health. Suppressed feelings will always find a way out in the end. They’ll always win and you’ll wish that you’d found a way to deal with them differently.
So, what’s the solution?
Hypnotherapy can help. Hypnotherapy can help you to accept the child within. Hypnotherapy can help you safely explore the feelings which you’ve hidden away for so long. Hypnotherapy can help you to forgive yourself and thus to come to terms with who and what you are.
We never truly leave childhood. We simply acquire experience and responsibilities, wrinkles and lines. However, the child you’ve stuffed into a box is still there and in denying that part of yourself you live a miserable half-life full of stress and self-dislike. Hypnotherapy can help you to accept, nurture and love that inner child. You can learn to do for yourself what your parents never could. You can discover that it’s never too late to have a happy childhood.
Furthermore, although there may always be a part of you which mourns the parenting you deserved and lacked, you can also come to see that you have developed a good number of strengths and fine qualities as a result of your experiences. Iron becomes steel through the heat of the fire and roses grow best when fed manure. You are you and you are just fine the way you are. Learn to accept yourself, love yourself and be proud of what you have become through Resolved! Hypnotherapy.
Give me a call if you’d like to hear more of how hypnotherapy can help.
Resolved! Hypnotherapy operates in Reading Wallingford and Oxford, also seeing clients from Didcot, Cholsey, Moulsford, Abingdon, Henley, Benson, Nettlebed, Crowmarsh Gifford, Watlington and other areas of Oxfordshire and Berkshire. Hypnotherapy, in the hands of a skilled and ethical hypnotherapist, can help you make big and long-lasting changes to your life.